Hi – hope your world is working well for you….
I don’t know what made me think of this story because it happened about a year ago.. strange how something triggers a memory…
If you’ve read some other of my listings you’ll know that I’ve established behaviour management techniques that work time after time with the most disruptive, aggressive, abusive and generally socially unacceptable behaviour. Children thrive in my classes – they change from disgruntled, disenchanted, anxious and unhappy individuals into relaxed, smiling and happy children who enjoy doing well in classes. I am so confident in my work, my behaviour management strategies so instinctive that it’s all second nature. So, what gave me a crisis of confidence….?
My class were due to start an outdoor education activity and those who weren’t timetabled for that session were taking part. The activity was new to all the children but they were excited and looking forward to starting. Tom was due to come for lunch prior to the activity after attending his mainstream school for the morning. Midway through the morning I received a phone call from the head teacher of Tom’s school. She told me that Tom was in a very bad mood and saying that he wasn’t going to come to the PRU that afternoon. I knew exactly what was wrong – he was anxious about doing something new. After a chat I said that to save any problems about him refusing to attend, as I was going to a meeting nearby I’d go and collect Tom just before lunchtime – don’t worry I’m insured for carting children around - they fit perfectly on the roof rack!
This where the crisis of confidence started…. The head teacher said, ‘What if he won’t go with you?’ Until she said that it hadn’t crossed my mind that there would be a problem. Part of my confidence is in the assumption that a child will do as I wish – it’s not arrogance but something children make a link with when they’re faced with someone who they recognise as being totally in control – kindness, firmness, humour, toughness – all there, to be used as necessary. But the words hit me and self doubt crept in…. it was a very strange feeling, something I’m simply not used to. It’s an alien feeling for me. And it was quite unpleasant.
I spoke to a colleague about how I felt. I had 30 minutes before I set off – do I ask someone else to go instead of me? I really felt that bad. No, I had to go. On the drive to the school I gave myself a severe talking to!! I arrived at the school – the head teacher asked me if I wanted her to help get Tom from class! Off she went again – if I allowed it, her words would dent my confidence again …. but by this time my confidence was back…. I assured her that I’d be fine….. so what did I do? How did I get Tom from the classroom?
I went up to the classroom door, looking through the glass panel. I tapped lightly and a few children looked up, including Tom. I beckoned to him to come to me, which he did. I opened the door and said, ‘Hi, Tom, get your coat love, I’ve come to collect you.’ ‘Why, aren’t I going in the taxi?’ he asked. ‘Come on Tom, you’re dinner will be ready,’ I said as I briskly walked with him towards the cloakroom, ‘I was coming from a meeting so I thought I may as well call for you – thought you’d like my car better than a taxi!’ As we came from the cloakroom the head teacher was standing there looking thoroughly amazed!
‘Bye miss, I’m going in the car instead of the taxi’, Tom said cheerfully. And off we went. It really was that simple.
I’d known exactly why Tom had been unhappy. He was very anxious about the afternoon’s activity – he thought he wouldn’t be able to do it, that he’d make a fool of himself, that he’d be hurt – all of it unjustified, but a big thing in a child’s mind. Why did he come so happily with me? Because of my confidence the children trust me implicitly and know I’m in total control and nothing bad will happen to them. I make them feel secure. So if I’d have shown lack of confidence to Tom it would have severely dented his trust in me – if I’d have dithered and been unsure you can be sure Tom would have been the same. Children instinctively read your mood – it’s a survival technique. If the adult isn’t sure of themselves and appears anxious and worried then the child will subconsciously think there must be something to worry about.
And guess what – he loved the activity and couldn’t wait for the next week to do it all again. Sometimes you just have to be a child’s confidence until they can establish their own.
So, I do understand what lack of confidence can be like – but having confidence in effective classroom management and behaviour management techniques is critical in your role as a teacher.
Thanks for logging in, Liz Marsden @ Behaviorbible