But  the fact is that adults don’t really do shock when kids behave badly. Even when the behaviour is worse than just bad – appalling and even criminal…  Behaviour that is so awful that not that long ago would have adults reeling with shock. They’d have been rightly shocked and appalled.

What replaces ‘shocked and appalled’ these days then?

Adults’ reaction is pathetic really.  I see abject acceptance, lethargy and frequent shoulder shrugging in a, ‘What can I do about it?’ sort of way.

I’m often asked why kids behave so badly when they know the behaviour’s wrong!  Well many of them are just trying to find out how much you’ll put up with before you start putting limits and boundaries in place… Testing the boundaries? No, they’re looking for the boundaries…  Not much to test when the boundaries don’t exist is there?

Adults really have to get a grip and show a bit of grit and determination…

I had an amazingly shocking conversation with someone in a school a few months ago. This person is lovely, but like so many adults these days, totally wet. What’s wet? Well, nice but soppy, soft, lacking in oomph and energy. An unquestionning willingness to accept the totally unacceptable behaviour that’s frequently thrown at them.

I’m hedging my bets a bit here and not giving this ‘nice person’ a gender?  The many people I meet in my work are great, really pleasant and well meaning and I know that they want to do their best.

But, nice as these people are their idea of doing their best for kids isn’t good enough…

They need to toughen up and show that they’re shocked by appalling behaviour. They’re allowing kids to get away with totally appalling behaviour  and it’s gone on for too long and it’s time to take action…

I really don’t want to cause offence but on the other hand people have to be shaken out out of their lethargy and learned helplessness when dealing with children in their care…

The head teacher in question faced massive behaviour problems in the school – disrespect, aggression, violence, poor learning standards. And it was getting worse each day.

the head teacher admitted that he didn’t know what the answer was…

‘Well, showing a bit of shock wouldn’t go amiss,’ I said quite firmly.

How he responded astounded me!

He asked me at what point should he show that he was displeased!!

It’s not often that I’m speechless, but to not have a clue when to stop accepting bad behaviour is beyond comprehension… I think he should be off to look for alternative employment!!

Action has to be taken before this bad behaviour situation becomes totally lost!

Adults have to stop making excuses and allowing kids to behave so badly. And stop making excuses for adults doing nothing about kids behaving badly!

All adults from parents to those in all areas of authority have to take the blame for abandoning kids to bad behaviour. It’s every adults’ duty to guide, discipline and manage behaviour. So stop reneging on this responsibility by making excuses and doing nothing. It just won’t do!

Adults have to learn what to do to manage behaviour.  It’s really not difficult.  A bit of effort is involved but it’s something everyone can do…

What’s the alternative?  Admit that you can’t be bothered to summon the effort or that you have no substance or strength of character?

If that’s the case you don’t deserve to be working with kids. Sorry, but that’s the truth!

I can help you learn to manage behaviour with ease.  Just download your copy of Behaviour Bible and you’ll soon be on your way…

Cheers for now.   Liz Marsden @  Behaviour Bible.

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These children will gain few or no qualifications and often turn to criminal activity, drugs or other behaviours that prevents them achieving a fulfilling and rewarding life…  What a terrible future lies ahead for a badly behaving child – it’s a dire time waiting for them!

Adults seek advice is sought for children behaving badly and they commonly believed there’s something wrong with them! So these children are diagnosed with a behaviour condition and get pumped full of prescription drugs that are supposed to change their behaviour. It generally doesn’t work – the behaviour gets worse and nothing changes until adults adopt behaviour management strategies that actually work!

What do you need to do then?

Well, quite simply, if you don’t change the way you deal with problem behaviour you won’t achieve the results you want. Doing more of the same will achieve nothing -  a change of technique is essential…

So, how long do you have to make changes for?  Simple – for as long as needed until the child has matured sufficiently emotionally to take control of their own behaviour – probably until they’re grown up in fact.

Quite often adults change their behaviour and the child’s behaviour improves – great.  But then, the behaviour starts to slip and the old, unacceptable behaviour starts to re-emerge…

So, what’s gone wrong?

That’s simple to answer… The behaviour just isn’t being managed as well as it was so the child’s stopped behaving as well as they were…  Adult complacency has set in, they’re being less vigilant and their attitude has relaxed.  The consistency isn’t as good as it should be and it’s all become too lax…

This can’t be allowed to happen.

Just imagine if you did the same when driving – you”re driving along quite happily with everything happening as you want it to.  But then you stop steering and controlling the car and you’d end up in a ditch. The car simply finds its own route because you’ve stopped doing what you should be doing…  So you’ll end up somewhere you don’t want to be.

Adults have to be in control of children’s behaviour and for this to happen they have to be the ones in the driving seat!

There’s no doubt that children know instinctively that adults should be in charge of them and quickly respond to confident and effective behaviour management techniques.  Children need routine and to what’s expected of them.  When these needs are met they can be guided to achieve well in school and at home by adults they trust implicitly.

But adults must beware because children will quickly take over if they realise the adults don’t have control and basically don’t know how to manage behaviour properly!   If the adults don’t take control the children soon will… And that can only lead to disaster!

This is an important message…

To achieve the best behaviour from children adults must consistently use effective strategies to deal with their behaviour.  Then they have to keep on using them.

It’s not difficult to learn to do this. It’s surprisingly quick and easy to confidently and effectively deal with children’s behaviour at home or in school.

And the result?  Happy children who are achieving well and growing up to be confident and secure and are able to manage socially and cope well in their world…

Anything else? Oh yes… Your own stress levels will fall, your work or home environment will improve. A good result all round!

Want to be able to manage kids’ behaviour better but don’t know how?

Get your copy of my detailed information in Behaviour Bible and you’ll be well on your way…  Click the link and off you go…

Thanks for reading and bye for now.  Liz Marsden @ Behaviour Bible.

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More headlines about younger and younger children’s bad behaviour causing major problems in school… What horrific reading it all makes…  Less than the age of 6 and kids being violent and disruptive and being kicked out of school.

So is the ‘kicking kids out of school’ tactic going to work?  NO, NO and NO again.  Not a snowball’s chance in h*ll!!

Why won’t it work?

Well, just think about it for a while…  Think about what is actually happening when a child is excluded from school…

Firstly, from the school’s view point…

The school is getting rid of the problem for a few days.  And that’s about all.  Ok, they’re probably building up a dossier of ‘evidence’ against the child in order to get money from their money holders so they can manage the kid’s behaviour.   Then the child returns to school and nothing has changed.  So off if all goes again…

Secondly, the child’s view point…

What does a child think about being kicked out of school?  Not a lot really.  Very few young children understand what’s going on and what it means.  Why should they?  They just see that they’re not at school and probably thinking, ‘Yippeee’…   The cleverer variety of child will associate being badly behaved with not having to go to school and guess what their future plans will be?  You’ve got it…  Don’t want to be at school?  Easy, just be violent and disruptive and you’ll either get loads of attention from adults or even better, you’ll get sent home… Great result!

So, if kicking kids out of school isn’t going to work then what will work?

The bottom line is that if you want behaviour to change then the adults have to change their behaviour.  If a child is excluded and the adults’ behaviour doesn’t change when the child returns to school then the same cycles of behaviour will recur.  That’s guaranteed.

The answer is that there have to be consequences for bad behaviour.  Schools will argue that kicking kids out of school is a consequence…   Well, it would be if it worked.  But the thing to understand is that any consequence has to have an impact on the wrong doer.  Their life has to be made uncomfortable and make them think that they don’t want to suffer the consequence again…  Don’t know what you need to know about fair discipline and managing behaviour?  Find out more…

‘We don’t have time for all that’, I can hear people shouting.  Sorry folks but you have to make time.   Managing kids’ behaviour in and out of school is the best investment of time you can make.  It makes everyone’s life easier and more pleasant… Everyone wins.

If you’re not sure what, when and how to implement consequences then you need a copy of Behaviour Bible.  You’ll have all the tricks and tactics that I use every day to manage kids’ behaviour.  I have very few behaviour problems to deal with and my classes are full of kids whose behaviour is considered impossible to manage…  Click the link above and you’ll be on your way.

Cheers and thanks for reading. Liz Marsden @ Behaviourbible.com

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My first teaching practice when on teacher training was the first time I’d been in a primary classroom since I’d been a primary school pupil…   I was surprised for two reasons…

Firstly, the classrooms were so small – well they were huge when I was little!

Secondly, the desks (tables by now) were arranged differently in the classroom. They were now set around in groups with half a dozen children sitting around tables facing each other – very different…

Hm, what’s going on here, I thought?

I never really found the answer to that question and I’ve never came even close to being convinced that anything about this arrangement was of any benefit to anyone…

I’ve often questioned who thought that it was a good idea in the first place and what they were thinking of. Even the most well behaved children will be tempted or even encouraged to chatter and not concentrate properly on their lessons when they’re sitting around in a group.

I have never set any of my classrooms in this way.  But, teachers I’ve spoken to appear to be averse to making any changes in their classroom layout.  They’re so reluctant to implement anything new even if an alternative plan can alleviate many of the  problem behaviours they encounter it their classrooms.

A frequent excuse given for the ‘sitting round tables’ arrangement is so the children can take part in group work…

What teachers don’t realise is that research indicates that over 90% of teachers who claim group work as the reason for their classroom layout never do genuine group work in their classes.  The research asserts that this layout only encourages negative behaviour such as chatter, unacceptable behaviour and lack of focus in class.

So, what works?  Call me old fashioned, but kids sitting in rows works just fine… Great in fact…

Research shows that primary pupils (particularly those with behaviour difficulties) work for twice as long in lessons when they’re sitting in rows rather than in groups around tables.

So, what did I see in a school that impressed me?

After noticing a decline in behaviour standards a teacher had taken advice and changed from a grouped class layout and set out her class in rows.

What was the result?

The change was dramatic and she couldn’t believe what had happened.   The class was far quieter, there was more focus and the children concentrated more. The children said that they liked having the temptation to behave badly removed from them.

Why not try it out – it really has an immediate impact.  Even the worst behaviour is managed with the strategies I teach, but the simple tactic of changing your classroom layout can be done so easily, without having to learn any new techniques.  It really couldn’t be easier…

More advice can be yours by downloading Behaviour Bible.  Make your class more relaxed with more learning taking place.

Cheers for now.  Liz Marsden @ Behaviour Bible.

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What’s happened (or not happened!) for the situation to become this bad?

As usual, he’s been diagnosed as having ADHD and various other behaviour syndromes – and of course it’s all his fault!

Well what else do you expect? That’s the way the world of children’s behaviour works these days. A great deal of ‘multi agency’ people sitting around tables at endless meetings contemplating and procrastinating and doing precisely nothing – well, nothing positive anyway.

Endless talking has gone on but in the meantime the child’s behaviour has got worse and worse. The adults persuade themselves that they’re doing all they can, and of course everything is being done correctly. So the conclusion has to be that there must be something drastically wrong with the child. There can’t be any other answer, can there?

What had this boy’s behaviour been like?

From the his start in school he’d been violent, aggressive and disruptive. The first day saw him running out of the classroom and along the top of the coat stands in the cloakrooms…

Hm, were warning bells ringing about a potential behaviour nightmare if action wasn’t taken? Well no, not really… They thought he’d settle down… That he’d be ok given time… That he’d grow out of it…

Oh dear, big mistake…

So, fast forward 6 years and they’re in a real mess. Plus they’ve given up… They’d done all they could and nothing worked…

Why had things not worked out?

Well, they told him what they want him to do but he took no notice. No surprise there! It’s adult action that’s needed – forget the words!   He really isn’t at all interested in what they want or what they have to say to him. It’s what the adults do that’s important… And I’m afraid they haven’t done anything that’s had any positive impact on his behaviour.

One and then two adults together tried to deal with his behaviour away from the main classroom – that failed because limits and boundaries weren’t set on his behaviour.

The adults actually think they’ve set proper limits and boundaries but unless these are seen to work by the child’s behaviour changing then the strategies simply haven’t worked. So, again, he hasn’t taken a blind bit of notice and carried on his own path of disruption and destruction.

This boy was taken to see a doctor who duly diagnosed behaviour syndromes and prescribed powerful drugs which made absolutely no difference to his behaviour.

Adults had taken action but to no avail because their actions have been wrong and they’re left with the chaos we have now…

What’s meant when I say that teachers ‘think they’ve put limits and boundaries in place to manage behaviour’? That’s true. Teachers are taking action but unless it’s done properly – and if you’re not getting the intended result then it’s not being done properly – you’ll just make the problems worse. Boundaries and limits have to be set at the right time and in the right way.

Let’s give you an example…

This particular boy, when he was in infant classes had proved himself in desperate need of adults to take control of his behaviour and put boundaries in place. On one occasion he picked up a pointed piece of maths equipment (one of those big set squares used for board demos) and rushed towards an adult, aiming it at her middle like a jouster on a horse!

And what did the teacher do? She didn’t move and let him shudder to a halt, the plastic very close to her, a pointed ‘weapon’ close to impaling her…

She said that she was sure he would stop rather than injure her!

I think she should consider herself lucky that he stopped in time and could judge the stopping distance…

There we have an example of setting limits and boundaries on behaviour – and the catastrophic outcome when it’s done incorrectly! And there were plenty of other examples. It was all on his terms – he was allowed to start behaving badly and just stop when he felt like it. No chance of his behaviour improving in this scenario…

Sorry, they’d got it all wrong.

To set limits and boundaries on children’s behaviour you set them at the point where the behaviour should stop and change. Don’t wait until too late otherwise you’re managing a crisis instead of preventing one and the child hasn’t a clue where the boundary should be… It’s all common sense really as are all the other aspects of managing children’s behaviour. Learn the strategies, use them consistently and they’re soon second nature – you’re doing it automatically before too long…

The secret is to act at the right time… Lots of problems are prevented that way…   If you’re not sure what to do then follow the link to access the advice in Behaviour Bible – I use my own advice every working day and get great results…

Cheers for now, Liz @ Behaviourbible.com

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